How do you want to feel as a writer?

Finding fulfillment, connection, and gratitude

Today I want to discuss how you want to feel as a writer, and ways of reframing “success” so it feels within reach. My view on this extends beyond just how you feel as you craft words, but also in how your work is shared and connects with others in the world. At the end of this post I will also share my holiday gift guide!

Okay, let’s dig in to today’s post…

What Does Success Feel Like?

Too often, the conversation in publishing around “success” focuses on milestones and stark numbers: sales, lists, media hits, subscribers, followers, and so much else. Can these numbers matter? Of course. Do they tell the whole story of the success of a book or writer? Nope, not even close.

What is your experience of being a writer today? I want to consider this in the most practical sense possible — how you feel today, or could feel tomorrow or next week. That timeframe forces us to consider how we can feel using only the resources we have right now, our existing levels of time, energy, and attention.

Sometimes a writer will express their goals to me as relying on an outside force validating their work, and once that happens, only then will they live as they want to as a writer. E.G.: “Oh sure, if I get an agent, sign with a publisher, and became a runaway bestseller, then I would spend hours talking with readers like David Sedaris does.” This conditional view that relies on the actions of others means that they avoid any conversation about writing or reading in their everyday lives. They never ask those they meet about what that person is reading. They rarely mention their own writing when someone asks, “What’s going on?” It’s like a secret they keep.

Or another example: “If my first book does really well, then I will make the commitment to write more often. But in the meantime, I don’t want to spin my wheels, wasting my time.” So they barely write, always looking for validation before they write again.

Today I am asking you to consider how you can bridge the gap between who you are right now, and how you want to feel as a writer. What would the idealized version of what your week can look like not ten years from now, but ten days from now? Can you visualize answers that don’t rely on a gatekeeper or influencer validating you? Below are some questions to consider.

• Do you write? My days are filled with conversations with writers, and it’s surprisingly frequent how often someone expresses to me that they don’t write that often Other things seem to get in the way, or they are holding off writing as they wait for something. Of course, I have empathy for the fact that every single person reading this is swamped — potentially overwhelmed by their responsibilities, including work, family, and health.
  
  Given the resources you have right now, what could a possible answer be for “Do you write?” if you feel as though you have little margin in your life? What would it feel like to say, “I write every day?” Or “I write every weekend?” Or whatever your own version of that answer may be.
  
  For those I speak with whose writing is infused in their daily life, I may hear an answer vaguely similar to this: “I write nearly every day. Some days it is for an hour at a time, but that is more rare than I would like. More often, I write for 10 or 20 minutes at a time. This isn’t ideal, but I find I can nearly always find that time, even when work and family responsibilities are overwhelming. Some days I feel the muse and the words flow. Other days, I rely on the routines I’ve established to get words down on the page, even if I’m not particularly inspired in that moment. When I was younger, I felt I could only write if I had the proper amount of time and space to get into the zone. But what I have found is that even writing for 10 minutes a day means that my mind is filled with my craft. I think about ideas and even work on sentences in the back of my mind while doing other things. And oddly, some of the days that I feel least inspired to write, result in my best writing.”
  
  Of course, that may not be the feeling you desire or the lifestyle you want. What would your answer be for how you want to feel about how you write?

• Do you feel alone as a writer? Do you worry that you missed the boat? Are you mired in impostor syndrome, with no one to talk about it with? Do you look at other writers with envy? These feelings are very common. The worry I have is when they stifle a writer, trapping them into a mindset that their voice doesn’t matter, and that they can never succeed as others have. So they write less, they share less, they dim their own light.
  
  I encourage you to have colleagues — those in your life who write. When you try to go it alone, in my experience, that reduces your chance for success. Consider it this way: let’s say two people start the year wanting to feel more fit (however they define that.) One person commits to going to the gym every day at 5am by themselves. But the other person challenges a friend to join them, showing up each day to meet their friend and work out together.
  
  Which person do you think will stick with it: the person going solo each day, or the one who is joined by a friend? This isn’t just about the workout itself, the benefit is also in having each other means they can share the sometimes complex feelings about their fitness goals, or even their apprehension about feeling as though they blend in to that gym’s culture. I can certainly remember going to a gym and feeling as though I’m wearing the wrong clothes and doing the wrong things.

  In finding a colleague, don’t focus on if they write the same thing as you, but rather if you feel you can really talk with them. When you can do that, you often realize that the struggles you face are common. Knowing that tends to remove their power over you, helping you navigate them more gracefully. Also, the world is just a better place when writers are in your life.

• Are conversations about what inspires you a rare thing? Do you feel distant from your ideal readers? Are you able to seek out and create conversations with readers or those who either support writing like yours? So often, we hope to be in situations where these conversations come to us, initiated by others. That is sometimes why we travel to conferences — because it is a self-selecting group of people who are like-minded. But are there actions you can take in your day-to-day life to initiate these kinds of conversations? Simply asking about what people read and why. How would that feel?

• Do you feel you don’t have a plan? Do you share and connect infrequently, and always with apprehension? Do you fear someone asking about your writing because you are unsure of how to talk about it? What would it feel like to not be lost at sea, to have a sense of what you should do to share your work, and in the process, set clear boundaries about what you won’t be doing? What if your writing wasn’t some hidden part of your identity, something you reserve for distant strangers who will one day buy your book when it published, yet hide from your friends, family, and colleagues? Again, this may not be you, but it is something I hear about often from writers.

My goal in considering these questions is to bring more fulfillment and joy to the daily process of being a writer and connecting with readers. To feel that you have agency to move those things forward, and that it isn’t some distant dream that never seems it will come true.

Could success for you look the same next week as it would if you become a huge bestseller five years from now? A life filled with writing, colleagues, a keen sense of knowing who you are as a writer, conversations with readers, and confidence that you know how to share in a manner that is both strategic and authentic?

“Deconstructing my idea of success & milestones in this industry”

So often, we focus on these external milestones of validation, such as hitting New York Times Bestseller List. There was a great series of posts on Threads I saw earlier this week that explored how many books one has to sell to hit that list, and how you can hit a certain number of sales, but not make the list because of additional context and the ways numbers for that list are counted. Then Kaylie Smith shared her own experience, and made a huge point about changing her view of success as a writer, from one focused on industry milestones, to instead being focused on reader interactions:

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For some transparency on my own publishing journey as well, for anyone who might be feeling discouraged about the NYT list, I’ve sold over 10k copies in a week more than once & have not hit the NYT list. Genuinely one of the best things that has happened for me with my current book is deconstructing my idea of success & milestones in this industry. Theres SO much that goes into the list that isn’t very transparent, don’t base your career’s worth on it! On the flip side some milestones that have meant the literal world to me that have kept me going even on low days / when this job steals all my sleep:

• DMs from readers

• Fan art

• Readers telling me my book made them want to write a book

• Community with other authors

• Boosting another authors book / getting asked to do events with them

• Blurb requests (even though I haven’t been able to take one on recently because Enchantra tried to KILL ME)

• READERS (Readers I Love You)

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I talk to writers all the time about awards they win, where they rank on bestseller lists, sales numbers, and signing contracts for new book deals. Again, all of those things matter. But I love hearing Kaylie’s perspective on what truly means so much to her — the experiences of connecting with readers and writers.

My Holiday Gift Guide

This time of year, I urge you to give your friends and loved ones the one thing they truly need: gratitude. To know that they are not alone, that they matter, and a reminder that they have a unique voice in this world.

It’s easy to consider, “Oh, my friends and family know I love them.” Which is great! But when I talk with people, I am reminded how much impostor syndrome creeps up in nearly everyone; how isolating it can feel to struggle with something alone; and how anxiety and depression can mask themselves to others.

I encourage you to take the risk to send a long note, email, direct message to those you really appreciate. Let them know why they matter to you, and how they inspire you. Don’t make this a greeting card you buy at the store, but rather your own words that shows how their life makes yours so much better. How they — just as they are in this very moment — are special and amazing.

Take the risk to share how you feel about those you care about.

Next Steps…

Please let me know in the comments: how do you want to feel as a writer? Is there a single action you can take to bring you one step closer to that?

For my paid subscribers this week, I shared a video on investing in craft, and how your biggest challenges in 2024 can fuel fulfillment and growth in 2025.

I am booking new clients for 2025. To learn more about how to work with me, you can find details and case studies are here.

Thank you for being here with me.
-Dan

Kids of the Week: This photo sums up our two kids pretty well, one editing a YouTube video, and the other climbing a doorway: