How you share is a craft

Give yourself permission to talk about what you create and why

So many writers are afraid to share what they create. They fear judgement from others, especially those closest to them. They worry about being called out as a fraud, with someone saying to them something like, “Who is going to publish your book if you don’t even have an MFA?” Or, “A memoir? You? I thought those were for people who did really extraordinary things.”

They resist even telling people that they write, convincing themselves that doing so would be “bugging” the other person. The result is they push their work down, they soften their voices, they hide it — and a part of themselves — from the world.

We commonly talk about how writing and the creative process is a craft. But I firmly believe that how you share is a craft as well. A process that is nuanced, that you can get better at over time, and that feels deeply fulfilling. Today I want to discuss how we can make that an authentic part of one’s life as a writer or creator.

Before we begin, I wanted to share a final reminder to join me in The Creative Shift Mastermind! We begin this weekend. This is a 3-month program where you work directly with me and a group of other writers and creators. We become your support system, brainstorming partners, and the team of collaborators you have always dreamed of.

When you join the Mastermind, I will mentor you through a step-by-step process to establish rock-solid creative habits, define your creative identity, and get radically clear on your priorities of what to work on and why. Full information and registration here!

Okay, let’s dig in to today’s topic…

Give Yourself Permission to Share

You write and create what truly matters to you. What happens when you repress this part of yourself, choosing to hide it from the world? Where those around you never know about your curiosity, your craft, or your desire to connect your stories with readers? I mean, it can’t be good, right? To bury this all inside, to rarely talk about it, and to layer on a sense of shame when you do so. I have seen this happen so many times — where people resist sharing about their creative work, and when they do, they feel badly about it.

So many writers and creators consider the concept of sharing about their work as some separate act from that of creating. As if one could never naturally be in this situation:

• Coworker getting coffee next to you: “Hey, how was your weekend?”

• You: “Pretty good. Took my kid to a soccer game, reorganized the garage, and finished editing the third chapter of a novel I’m writing.”

“Nooooooooo!,” maybe people think. “That would be self-promotion.” Or they justify, “I don’t want to put on my marketing hat yet.” But then why would one not think of mentioning the garage or the soccer game in this same way? Why do we relegate writing and creative work as the thing that can’t be spoken of in a natural conversation, lest we “bother people with our self-promotion, becoming slimy marketers.”

Too often we shy away from talking about our creative work in a natural way. But doing so has such a powerful impact: helping people understand what we create, why we do so, and feel a sense of connection to it, even if just through being inspired by our passion for it.

Give yourself permission to talk about things you care about deeply, including your writing or creative work. Make sharing about it a natural extension of your passion and craft.

This is not about “putting on your marketing hat” — treating it like a separate role, and one that is icky. When people never hear about what you create and why, it’s no surprise that they have no idea what you really care about. Then, when you finally do share about it, that may be part of why it feels “promotional,” because you were silent about this entire side of yourself for so long, and now you are sharing about it when there is a book on sale (something to buy!) or a newsletter to subscribe to (something to promote!)

So many writers only share during a book launch, and between those launches, there is silence. What if you shared about your writing and creative work as much as you shared about going to the store, your job, your kids (if you have them), or any other responsibilities you have in life? I’m saying you need to share about your writing exactly as frequently, but what if it wasn’t a topic that was shared only under incredibly specific circumstances, like a book launch?

Don’t Segment Your Creative Life From Your Real Life

Often people love social media because they create almost a second identity there, one separate from their daily life. They fear the judgement of those they already know: family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances who know them in other roles and contexts. In these social media profiles they create, they only connect with those who aren’t in their everyday life, and it becomes the only place they share about their passion for what they write or create.

The problem with this? No one in your life knows about your writing. Some writers will justify: “Oh, I will wait to do marketing once my book is finished, edited, and ready for publication. Doing it sooner would be putting the cart before the horse.”

I encourage you to erase that line. Why? Because sharing:

1. Helps you embrace your unique creative voice.

2. Allows you to grow outside of other roles in life that you may have had for years, and that you may feel restricted by. It is permission to grow, and for others who care for you to witness that growth.

3. Brings together a powerful network of people in your life will may want to support and amplify your writing and creative work.

Now, of course, sometimes the opposite advice is true, and I totally respect if you have to proactively segment your creative life from the rest of your life. Reasons that may be the case: you truly don’t feel a sense of safety in sharing with those you know. They may feel threatened by it, which can in turn make you feel threatened. This can happen with interpersonal relationships where people feel jealous of your attention going elsewhere. It can also happen from your employer or other business partners.

What I would encourage is to not give up sharing too easily. That at the first sign of “Oh, my mom doesn’t understand what I’m doing,” you justify that you need to stop talking about what you are doing. Or if a friend asks, “What are you wasting your time on that for?” you don’t decide never mention your writing to them again. Sometimes we need to state a position and then live that position. Those in our lives don’t always understand our intentions through words, but rather, through actions. When you write each day, and you talk about writing each day, over time, people learn to accept, understand, and even care about it.

I remember telling a close friend years ago that I was starting a company. I had recently lost my job because the company closed down. We had a long conversation about my plans where I told them I was going out on my own, starting a business, getting clients, etc. Then, at the very end of the conversation, they said, “Don’t worry, you’ll find a job.” It was bizarre. We just had this whole conversation about how I was intentionally not looking for a job, and had specific plans to start this company, the one that has now supported me and my family for the past 15 years.

But this friend wasn’t ready to hear that. Maybe it confronted their own sense of feeling trapped by circumstances of their job. Or maybe they just couldn’t envision someone not having an employer. Or something else that had nothing to do with me. They weren’t ready to just embrace a new idea, so I had to live the idea in order for them to accept and understand it.

No big deal. That just takes time and consistency.

Do what feels right to you. I know your life is complex and the relationships in your life are nuanced.

Become a Student of the Process

When you embrace the concept of sharing as a craft and give yourself permission to do so, you learn more about your own creative process, and how to effectively communicate that to others.

To get started, I encourage you to become a student of the process. This is a nice easy way to begin, where you learn to identify and analyze how others that you admire share about their work. This helps us challenge assumptions that hold us back.

For instance, a writer who says, “Oh, I would never share about my writing more than once a week. I don’t want to annoy people.” But then, when we analyze a few writers that this person really admires, and notice, “Gee, they share about their writing process 5 times a day!” These people have embraced their craft as part of their identity.

I encourage you to find one person who inspires you or who you admire, and who shares frequently online via social media. If you don’t know where to begin, maybe try one of these writers or creators:

• Meera Lee Patel

• Erika Robuck

• Megan Carty

• Jessica Strawser

• Nikki Grimes

• Colby Sharp

• Kelly McMasters

• Samantha Dion Baker

• Dani Shapiro

• Janae Marks

• K. Woodman Maynard

There are literally thousands and thousands of writers and creators out there sharing every day. Find one or two that resonate with you.

Then do this:

1. Actively observe what they share, once a day. This really doesn’t take more than a minute or two. See if they shared, how often they shared, in what channels they shared, and in what format. For instance, did they post a Reel on Instagram? Or update their Instagram Stories?

2. Consider how much of what they share aligns to what they write and why vs. other aspects of who they are. Consider where there is overlap, and how sharing different aspects of themselves may actually engage their audience more.

If you want a clear example of how I analyze, I shared a 28 minute mini-case study on this in my paid newsletter earlier this week: “Mini-case study: you can be more than one thing.”

Look for lessons and ideas. Also consider what challenges your assumptions. This is one way that has helped me consider, “Gee, how can I share publicly if I’m also a major introvert?” What I find is that so many people who share in a manner that really inspires me are also introverts. They have simply set clear boundaries and processes that help them share, while also feeling comfortable and safe.

Do One Thing Really Well

When you focus, your craft improves. So if you worry that you can’t share well, then I want to encourage you to focus on it more and more. Each day, each week, each month, it will feel more natural.

One way to approach this is to do fewer things. When you do less, you can give more energy to the few things that matter most.

Now, I understand that you are very busy. That you are writing amidst raising kids, working a job, managing your mental and physical health, and so much else. But what I mean here is what if you forget about trying to be on all the social networks (or threatening to leave them all), and just focus 6 months on learning how to talk about what you create and why. How to craft a conversation that people want to be a part of.

To put your energy to the things that matter most, and allow yourself to let go of responsibilities or opportunities that are draining you, and where you can’t possibly do them well because you are so swamped.

One example is how I have been managing my own sense of showing up for writers. I have done this work full-time for fifteen years. I love what I do, and it is an honor to speak with writers each day. I know that there are 1,000 things I can do to grow my presence and my business. Yet, in the past couple years, I find myself doing less. Doing fewer things with the intention of ensuring the few things I do, I do well.

So that means I only offer a very limited number of ways to work with me, either one-on-one consulting, or my Creative Shift Mastermind.

It means I have barely posted on social media in the past year, but instead have focused on writing weekly essays here on Substack.

Logically, that is a bad move. I should be constantly posting on every social media platform to support my business and reach more people. But I would rather do one or two things really well, than five or six things at a mediocre level.

So I focus on deep collaborations and engagements. And you know what? Not only has it been effective, but it feels really good. Isn’t that what we all want?

Focus on Experiences that Truly Matter to you.

Sometimes this means that you have to make polarizing decisions in order to create the experiences that matter most to you. I saw a fascinating example of this the other day. It was an interview with Paul McCartney where he said:

“You have to draw the line. These days, everyone has a camera. So the first then when I see people is they can’t say anything. They just reach for their phone. They say, “We’ll do a picture, we’ll do a picture!” And I say, “I’m sorry, I don’t do pictures. But I’m very happy to shake your hand, and we’ll have a chat.”

Without question, Paul is disappointing people when he does this. And it must happen dozens of times a day. These fans want social proof of their meeting with him, something they can post to social media, hand down to their children, and make their profile photo. Paul is choosing instead to create an experience that connects them as human beings, through a short conversation.

Other people have expectations of you — what they want you to do, or how they want you to behave. But you, and only you, get to determine what those things are. What’s nice about the way Paul does it, is that he lays out a path for them both. Where he isn’t rejecting them, he is merely redirecting the interaction so it feels meaningful.

Full Send

There is a phrase I hear video game streamers use: “full send.” They use it in a situation where they are making total commitment to an action. Of course, there is the potential upside: if their strategy works, they will accomplish a big goal. But “full send” also implies that they are risking it all. That their entire game will be over if this doesn’t work out, they might lose gear they have accumulated over the course of days, or their character may die, wiping away progress that took them awhile to earn.

I am an incredibly nervous person, so I always have backup plans, and my backup plans have backup plans. So why would I end this post with the advice to “full send”? Well earlier this week, Instagram recommended a post from someone I don’t follow, an example of when the algorithm does something very positive. It shared a photo of a DJ I listened to in high school, and met maybe once or twice over the years. The post said:

“This is my pal Matt Pinfield. Matt is a legend in the music business, he can school ANYONE in rock n roll trivia, and he is a helluva wonderful human. Matt suffered a severe stroke recently and has been in the hospital for weeks now. I’m not asking you for anything. I’m just asking you to keep him in your thoughts… Most importantly, he LOVES music like no other. It’s in his veins. It’s in his body language when he talks about it. The smile on his face and fire in his eyes when talking about any record you can rattle off to him is so magnetic and beautiful.”

Below is the last social media post that Matt himself shared, the morning of the day he had the stroke. The text reads: “Starting another week with gratitude for a life surrounded by great people, life changing music, and unforgettable experiences that I never take for granted. Here to another week-another day-open heart and open mind. Let’s rock!”

To me, the concept of “full send” is not about taking an unnecessary and foolhardy risk. It is about being intentional about living a life filled with the craft that brings you joy, of connecting with people who inspire you, and attending to relationships that help you feel a sense of deep fulfillment and connection. That is why I view sharing as a craft.

Please let me know in the comments: who inspires you in terms of how they share? What is it that resonates with you?

And one final reminder to consider joining me for three months in my Creative Shift Mastermind! Full information and registration here.

As always, thank you for being here with me.
-Dan

Kids of the Week: He uses his typewriter almost every day:

“Daddy, can I build a fort?”