“One of my biggest core beliefs is that your voice is unique, and that the world is a better place if you share your voice through your writing, art, or other ways”
Agreed!
I often say that I’m an open book. Sharing about my son’s illness and death thrust myself and my family into the limelight.
I journal daily and that is my first form of expression. Then I reflect and intuit what I’d like to share with the world and how it feels. What do I hope people will receive. My gut often leads the way.
Now that my younger son is an adult, I’m conscientious of what I share about him and my husband. My stories are usually about how I felt and my lived experiences.
I love the connections I have formed on Substack. They feel authentic and supportive. I think and hope that is how I have presented myself.
As a writer and teacher of memoir and personal essay, I've always felt it's important to be accessible and publicly present as myself. This does not, however, apply to my children. They feature in my writing, yes, but I never divulge their names, nor post pictures, particularly not when they were young. My husband does appear, occasionally, but I always get his permission.
I hesitated to say this, I thought it was just me and my NYC caution, and really it's none of my business, but I'm uneasy about photos of "the little fella." Photos of his work are delicious, and I assume he likes their being shown. But showing his face and knowing who his father is?
I'm so glad you brought up the issue of safety. So many of us don't feel safe in the world (in general) anymore. And creative work invites such intense vulnerability that it stands to reason why many of us would be gunshy about publicizing it in any way.
Boundaries happen when we know ourselves well. I think all of this - what we share, when, why, who has access to what parts of our lives - always comes back to the foundation of self-awareness. I've noticed that my personal growth and self-improvement always affect my creative work, especially my perception about it. It's hard to be a creative professional. It can be so easy to give up, to convince ourselves that we are failures and screw-ups, to turn to substances in order to numb out.
So what you are writing about today necessarily challenges the dark and destructive artist stereotype. We don't have to live like some of the literary greats who died by suicide or drank themselves to death or overdosed. We can do better.
Thanks, as always, for your lovely articles. And it warmed my heart to see your younger son learning how to write. Those typos are the most adorable!
As someone new to writing “in public,” I appreciated the article very much, but I decided to subscribe when I got to the photos—I light up with my kids’ creativity (and chaos) and feeling that appreciation come through from you was one of those connection moments for me that the article speaks to. I have been tentative with including my children (generally not using names or faces) but appreciate the reminder that there is no “right” way to do it. Thank you!
I think the anxiety you mention about engaging publicly is the greatest obstacle to having a public presence. I translate anxiety into fear. As you said, each person has to find what works for them, and yet I agree having the courage to engage can create unexpected community and connection. As a writer, sharing self with other is inherent in our writing, but one thing social media has done is make writers more accessible to their audiences. Breaking down that hierarchy between artists and those who engage with their art deepens the relationship between them, and, I would argue, opens up possibilities for connection from which both the artists and their audience can benefit.
Hi Dan. My anonymity is important to me. I want my paintings to speak for themselves and take the viewers where THEY need to go. In Truth, there's another reason as well: I like to stand behind viewers when they are in galleries looking at my work to hear what they REALLY think! Those nametags they make artists wear during openings crunch honesty to dust as people feel a need to assuage the artist's ego.
When I add photos of myself to my blog to illustrate the landscape I'm trying to capture, the photo is the scene, the easel, and my back. What's important is the "artist in the landscape", not "Lori/me" shouting, "Ta Da!!!"
Thanks for the conversation Dan!
P.S. I have to add that the photos you share of O and E (and your Mom) are a balm to the constant concerns of "what if?!" You are showing that your family is surrounded by love and protection, not worry, stifled by fear, scared of the shadows. You grew up in New York--I grew up in Montreal...we share a common "city" attitude...nobody cares, we'll be fine! Hugs to your family from Canada.
Dan, thanks for the thoughtful and deep reflections on how to present yourself to the public. Good stuff, but your shots of your boy's work in the alleged "recovery room" were even more delightful!
I’m pretty comfortable sharing personal things about me, though my boundary is around my family members including my adult children and my spouse. I don’t want to intrude on their personal lives. Other topics I avoid are religion and limit what I say about politics. With so much vitriol today what I say about politics is measured, respectful, and positive whenever possible. I focus on my writing interests and ask questions to generate discussion. I accept that being a writer demands some form of being public and am feeling my way as to how personal I can be while being both authentic and controlled. So far I haven’t had any bad experiences and hopefully won’t. I’ll just keep experimenting and adjusting as needed.
I’ve recently been trying to open up a little more, actually, because a blog full of book reviews just like a thousand other reviews of the same book will not help much in growing an audience, nor does it convince potential readers that I am sympathetic to their niche and interested (in other words, that I am worth their time). I’m learning to share bits and pieces of myself like a puzzle but certain bits of information will always remain private, and though I’m contemplating starting a podcast, I’ll never do a vlog or live stream.
Dan, it's like you're psychic: This post popped up in my inbox just when I was grappling about whether to share about a crime that happened at my son's university the day we got back from dropping him off, and how the act of writing helped me quell my anxiety. I don't want to make a terrible event "about me," but I also want to help other parents, especially empty nesters. And since my agent is about to go on sub with my novel, I'm terrified of doing anything to jeopardize that process, even though what I wrote isn't political (I don't think). Still grappling with it. Thank you--I'll be returning to this post.
This is a question I wrestle with constantly, the answer to which is also constantly evolving. I've always been intensely private, but I also treasure the human connections I'm able to make through showing myself more. Thank you for your insights, Dan.
I am an academic and beginning a substack to support a book on Moral Psychology that my wife and I have written. I have decided I don't want the substack to be about me, but a place for conversation with others about ideas, applications, implications etc. from the perspective of the book's framework.
But I think you are right about people wanting to connect in conversation, and that requires a person. So I think I will have a picture of myself, and a bio etc. But keep the conversation focussed on ideas that help people.
It is one way I feel safe, as you put it. I am that academic who gets good teaching ratings, empathizes with students, but cannot remember their names. Finding a way to navigate this in a forum where there is so much personal sharing will be a challenge.
“One of my biggest core beliefs is that your voice is unique, and that the world is a better place if you share your voice through your writing, art, or other ways”
Agreed!
I often say that I’m an open book. Sharing about my son’s illness and death thrust myself and my family into the limelight.
I journal daily and that is my first form of expression. Then I reflect and intuit what I’d like to share with the world and how it feels. What do I hope people will receive. My gut often leads the way.
Now that my younger son is an adult, I’m conscientious of what I share about him and my husband. My stories are usually about how I felt and my lived experiences.
I love the connections I have formed on Substack. They feel authentic and supportive. I think and hope that is how I have presented myself.
Thanks, Dan! Much to think about.
Appreciate your authenticity!
Thank you Janine!
As a writer and teacher of memoir and personal essay, I've always felt it's important to be accessible and publicly present as myself. This does not, however, apply to my children. They feature in my writing, yes, but I never divulge their names, nor post pictures, particularly not when they were young. My husband does appear, occasionally, but I always get his permission.
I hesitated to say this, I thought it was just me and my NYC caution, and really it's none of my business, but I'm uneasy about photos of "the little fella." Photos of his work are delicious, and I assume he likes their being shown. But showing his face and knowing who his father is?
Thanks for the honesty and concern Elena!
Thanks Annette!
Dan! I've been thinking of you so often lately -- what a surprise to see myself mentioned in today's letter. Must be serendipity. :]
Indeed! Thanks!
Dan,
I'm so glad you brought up the issue of safety. So many of us don't feel safe in the world (in general) anymore. And creative work invites such intense vulnerability that it stands to reason why many of us would be gunshy about publicizing it in any way.
Boundaries happen when we know ourselves well. I think all of this - what we share, when, why, who has access to what parts of our lives - always comes back to the foundation of self-awareness. I've noticed that my personal growth and self-improvement always affect my creative work, especially my perception about it. It's hard to be a creative professional. It can be so easy to give up, to convince ourselves that we are failures and screw-ups, to turn to substances in order to numb out.
So what you are writing about today necessarily challenges the dark and destructive artist stereotype. We don't have to live like some of the literary greats who died by suicide or drank themselves to death or overdosed. We can do better.
Thanks, as always, for your lovely articles. And it warmed my heart to see your younger son learning how to write. Those typos are the most adorable!
Thank you Jeannie!
As someone new to writing “in public,” I appreciated the article very much, but I decided to subscribe when I got to the photos—I light up with my kids’ creativity (and chaos) and feeling that appreciation come through from you was one of those connection moments for me that the article speaks to. I have been tentative with including my children (generally not using names or faces) but appreciate the reminder that there is no “right” way to do it. Thank you!
Thank you Taylor!
I think the anxiety you mention about engaging publicly is the greatest obstacle to having a public presence. I translate anxiety into fear. As you said, each person has to find what works for them, and yet I agree having the courage to engage can create unexpected community and connection. As a writer, sharing self with other is inherent in our writing, but one thing social media has done is make writers more accessible to their audiences. Breaking down that hierarchy between artists and those who engage with their art deepens the relationship between them, and, I would argue, opens up possibilities for connection from which both the artists and their audience can benefit.
Thank you Christa!
Hi Dan. My anonymity is important to me. I want my paintings to speak for themselves and take the viewers where THEY need to go. In Truth, there's another reason as well: I like to stand behind viewers when they are in galleries looking at my work to hear what they REALLY think! Those nametags they make artists wear during openings crunch honesty to dust as people feel a need to assuage the artist's ego.
When I add photos of myself to my blog to illustrate the landscape I'm trying to capture, the photo is the scene, the easel, and my back. What's important is the "artist in the landscape", not "Lori/me" shouting, "Ta Da!!!"
Thanks for the conversation Dan!
P.S. I have to add that the photos you share of O and E (and your Mom) are a balm to the constant concerns of "what if?!" You are showing that your family is surrounded by love and protection, not worry, stifled by fear, scared of the shadows. You grew up in New York--I grew up in Montreal...we share a common "city" attitude...nobody cares, we'll be fine! Hugs to your family from Canada.
Awe, thank you Lori!
Dan, thanks for the thoughtful and deep reflections on how to present yourself to the public. Good stuff, but your shots of your boy's work in the alleged "recovery room" were even more delightful!
Ha! Thank you Tom!
I’m pretty comfortable sharing personal things about me, though my boundary is around my family members including my adult children and my spouse. I don’t want to intrude on their personal lives. Other topics I avoid are religion and limit what I say about politics. With so much vitriol today what I say about politics is measured, respectful, and positive whenever possible. I focus on my writing interests and ask questions to generate discussion. I accept that being a writer demands some form of being public and am feeling my way as to how personal I can be while being both authentic and controlled. So far I haven’t had any bad experiences and hopefully won’t. I’ll just keep experimenting and adjusting as needed.
Thanks Bruce!
I’ve recently been trying to open up a little more, actually, because a blog full of book reviews just like a thousand other reviews of the same book will not help much in growing an audience, nor does it convince potential readers that I am sympathetic to their niche and interested (in other words, that I am worth their time). I’m learning to share bits and pieces of myself like a puzzle but certain bits of information will always remain private, and though I’m contemplating starting a podcast, I’ll never do a vlog or live stream.
Thanks Mariella!
Always enjoy when other people give me permission, and not just the little voice inside my head! Thanks Dan.
Glad this was helpful Istiaq!
Dan, it's like you're psychic: This post popped up in my inbox just when I was grappling about whether to share about a crime that happened at my son's university the day we got back from dropping him off, and how the act of writing helped me quell my anxiety. I don't want to make a terrible event "about me," but I also want to help other parents, especially empty nesters. And since my agent is about to go on sub with my novel, I'm terrified of doing anything to jeopardize that process, even though what I wrote isn't political (I don't think). Still grappling with it. Thank you--I'll be returning to this post.
So glad this was somehow helpful Cynthia!
This is a question I wrestle with constantly, the answer to which is also constantly evolving. I've always been intensely private, but I also treasure the human connections I'm able to make through showing myself more. Thank you for your insights, Dan.
Thank you Tiffany!
Thanks for this Dan!
Thanks Mark!
Dan (and all),
I am an academic and beginning a substack to support a book on Moral Psychology that my wife and I have written. I have decided I don't want the substack to be about me, but a place for conversation with others about ideas, applications, implications etc. from the perspective of the book's framework.
But I think you are right about people wanting to connect in conversation, and that requires a person. So I think I will have a picture of myself, and a bio etc. But keep the conversation focussed on ideas that help people.
It is one way I feel safe, as you put it. I am that academic who gets good teaching ratings, empathizes with students, but cannot remember their names. Finding a way to navigate this in a forum where there is so much personal sharing will be a challenge.
Comments and disagreements welcome... -Chuck
Thank you Chuck!
so helpful. Happy to support your work.
Thanks Jennie!