What should writers do about social media?
On finding a sense of purpose and community this year
Social media has been changing, and I see it causing rifts in how writers are able to connect with readers, each other, and like-minded communities that celebrate creative work like theirs. Today I want to dive deep into understanding some aspects of this issue, and explore solutions that may be available to you right now.
I talk with writers every day, and this year is the 15th anniversary of me doing this work full-time: helping writers connect with readers, grow their platforms, launch their books, and feel fulfilled in their life as a writer. So many writers have expressed how they are concerned about the ways social media has been changing, and affecting their ability to share their work, connect with communities they love, and stay in touch with colleagues and readers.
I feel collaboration and community are so important to writers, artists, and creators. That is why my consulting work is focused on deep collaboration, and also why I’m relaunching my Creative Shift Mastermind after a 4-year hiatus. To come together with a small group of writers and to create a support system to establish rock-solid creative habits, define your creative identity, and get radically clear on your priorities. (If this sounds interesting, please check it out! We begin on February 1st, and everything happens in a private online workspace.)
Recently I was talking with a writer I know, and they made some interesting points about not only how social media has changed, but how we have changed. This, combined with my own experiences and observations working with thousands of writers, is part of why I’m focusing so much on intentional actions we can each take to find a path through a changing world of social media. Some of what this writer shared is infused in what I’m writing below. They gave me permission to share some of their thoughts, but preferred to remain anonymous.
When I asked about how social media feels different to them now, compared to an earlier time, here is some of what they said:
“There were fewer social media sites in general. I felt like I used Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter differently; each had its own distinct purpose. The bookish community on Twitter in the mid-2010s was unparalleled! That community left Twitter and scattered across multiple apps. Every time we all migrate, it's a chore to find everyone again. Conversations are happening on Bluesky that aren't happening on Threads, and vice versa. We used to all be in the same place, and now we just aren't.”
“The algorithms didn't exist then as they do now. Now, my default social media feeds simply don't feel as relevant to my life and interests. It's a battle against the algorithm to make meaningful connections. (And on Threads, where the algorithm is overzealous, you can't like one post about, say, a cute puppy without your entire feed becoming puppies...)”
“[I have become] really being cautious about what I share and what conversations I join. Before I post—even something mundane—I have to consider: Could it be read the wrong way? It just feels like walking on eggshells, in a way that it once did not. Which makes me less likely to post, period.”
What I share today about social media and connection is in many ways the tip of the iceberg. My analysis and advice does not cover all aspects of what is going on, and will not apply to everyone or every situation. My goal here is to help you feel a sense of agency in your ability to share your unique creative voice, and create a sense of connection to those who inspire you, whether that is readers, writers, or so many others who support creative work.
Oh, and if this email seems longer than usual, I apologize. My wife and our 7-year-old were home sick this week with the flu, and I’m still recovering from a pinched nerve that makes it difficult to walk. In some ways I feel like I could have edited this down. Yet in other ways, I genuinely feel like I’m leaving so much out from this conversation.
Okay, let’s dig in…
The Risk of Being Social
Many writers, friends, and colleagues have been either leaving social media, changing where they show up, or how they use it. This has been happening for awhile, and the process is messy. I see people I admire leave a network, only to return because they truly missed the ability to connect with friends and communities. Or they leave one social network because they feel it has become toxic, only to go to a different social network that is eerily similar, hoping to recreate what they once had, with the hope that it doesn’t change.
Some writers want to leave all these platforms. Others just want to be where everyone else is, but can no longer tell where that might be, because people are split up all over the place.
Something I consider is how easy social media has made it for us to find:
Conversations that are interesting.
People who are like-minded.
What everyone else is talking about.
Interesting posts about topics we are deeply passionate about.
Before social media, to be “social” required a lot of effort and risk. For instance, we might have to research a place or event that we felt might be filled with interesting people. Then we would have to wait for that day/evening, travel there, perhaps pay admission or wait in line. And then finally, we would be presented with something many people fear: a room full of people we don’t know. Then, one-by-one, would be the process of trying to strike up a conversation with a total stranger. This is assuming that we guessed right that this place/event was indeed busy and full of the kinds of people who inspire us. I can certainly remember in the 1990s driving really far to go to some “super cool cafe that everyone is talking about” only to find it nearly completely empty, not the scene we hoped for at all.
Nowadays, we can quietly create a profile, then effortlessly follow someone, and then follow along in all of what they share and conversations they have, without having to take the slightest social risk. We can even research someone’s entire public history online in moments, getting a sense of who they are, their background, and thousands of photos. Then, when we finally feel comfortable, we can take the tiny action of clicking “like” and feel we have somehow been “social.”
But clicking “follow” and “like” and “subscribe” isn’t really being social at all.
I know a lot of people miss how social media felt fun, and easy, and communal at a different point in time. For some, it all feels so fraught and complex now. For my advice below, some of what I’m encouraging is to be more intentional about truly connecting with people who inspire you, which may require more work and more risk.
But when we stop relying entirely on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, X, LinkedIn, and so many others to dictate how we are “social,” we remember how much power we each really have. To simply fill our days with meaningful connections with those who inspire us and help us each feel we are a part of a like-minded community.
We Have Become More Sophisticated, As Have Our Expectations
In the early 2000s, it took most people I know years to feel comfortable joining a social network, and even more to become comfortable sharing there. We all slowly waded into the waters.
But now, everyone is aware of the power and potential of social media. It’s easy to feel like we are somehow failing if we join a new network, and only have 8 followers, because we are so hyper aware of the other people who have 8,000 followers. Or because maybe because on the social network we just came from, we did have 8,000 followers, and now have to start fresh, and that feels demoralizing.
Yes, social media has changed and keeps changing. But I think it is more difficult to look in the mirror and consider how we have changed. How our expectations have changed. The online networks we are a part of are now filled with way more people than they were years ago, many of whom understand the power of going viral in a manner that few did a decade or two ago.
In some ways, we have all become more sophisticated in understanding the nuances of what it means to share online and gain social clout in the process. What I am considering here is how our own expectations may have changed.
What if we stop judging social behavior on how many followers or likes we have, and instead, we focus on how many deeply meaningful (or fun) conversations we have in a given week? Or how many new inspiring creators we meet each month. Or how many new writers we can support and help feel seen each year. These are things we can each do right now, with the resources we have. Here is an example I saw from
on Substack:
These are simple actions that are inherently human, focused on considering, “How can I help someone feel seen and appreciated. How would that add a moment of joy to their day?”
We Use Social Media for Too Many Things
In my Mastermind group, one of the things I teach people is how to get control of their email inbox. One point I make is that email can feel out of control when we use it for to many things: how we communicate with our boss, how we find out about sales at our favorite stores, etc. It quickly also becomes a to-do list, with email being used to plan the pace of our workday, getting to them one by one. This keeps us from intentionally setting the tone for what we want to accomplish each day, and of course, ensuring we get to our writing.
Social media is similar. One might use it to:
Follow influencers who inspire them.
Follow influencers they kind of don’t like, but feel like they set the tenor for conversation in their industry, so they follow them anyway.
Connect with colleagues presently in their lives.
Connect with colleagues they worked with years ago, and barely knew then or now.
Follow people they no longer know or even remember why they follow, but are afraid to unfollow because what if the person notices and then it makes them look like a bad friend to the person they don’t even know.
Friends.
Family.
Brands they love.
News (local, national, international) - from professional organizations to individuals who have crafted platforms focused on covering news themselves, or curating/resharing/reacting to news in a way that resonates.
Musicians, artists, and comedians they like.
That one feed of cute animal photos.
Their friend’s dog’s social media account.
Causes they believe in.
Publishing/writing news.
Those who teach them things, professionally or as hobbies. EG: yoga, guitar, writing, etc.
Professional opportunities such as following agents, publishers, conferences, etc.
Entertainment news, because they kind of like Star Wars, and now need to be up on all the Star Wars news, all the time.
Aspirational follows, such as authors they want to emulate, but whose books they don’t really read.
That quirky chef.
That woman their friend told them about years ago who has the cutest house and posts daily images of their amazing outfits.
Celebrities.
Large companies and organizations who they might buy a product from, especially if that company posts a discount code.
Because of this, it can feel like a mess to open up any of your feeds. And that is before the algorithm takes over, recommending stuff that your friends showed interest in, or is gaining a lot of conversation, or is related to something it thinks you like: puppies, Star Wars, guitar, quirky chefs, etc.
Can You Sidestep the Algorithm Entirely?
What if you sidestep the algorithm entirely? This will sound extreme, but I think there are many ways of doing this which don’t have to be that polarizing. What if you:
Did a backup of everyone you follow (make a list or do an export), and then unfollow everyone. Every. One.
Chose to follow an arbitrarily low number of people, like 20 or 40. Be very selective and consider if these are people you know, or if they are parasocial relationships, such as following an influencer you love and feels like the friend you want to have, but who also has 14,999,999 other followers besides you.
This is where it gets weird: don’t use the app or website to look at your feed. Instead, bookmark the links to each of these 20 or 40 profiles in your web browser.
Then, once a day, go to each bookmark. I think most web browsers allow you to open all of your bookmarks in a certain folder into separate tabs all at once.
Then, look at each person’s updates as if you were visiting with them. You can still comment or like or reshare, because you can be logged into the social network on your web browser.
Make it a point to comment on as many posts as you can, to truly show up to support these 20 or 40 people you are following.
Is this a perfect fool-proof system? Of course not. But it does illustrate that with a little more effort, you can focus on meaningful relationships through social media, and reduce the influence of the feed’s algorithm in your daily experience.
And of course, you can take a split strategy. Maybe you have one profile where you follow influencers and news that you are allowed to check once a day. Then another profile where you follow a very select amount of people you admire and know, and truly want to engage with as friends or colleagues.
Look for a Third Option
In some ways, I would call this “looking for a third option.” I’m inherently a hopeful person, which is why the idea of finding other options between “stay on a social media” or “leave a social media” feels appealing.
I am a huge fan of Star Trek, and one of the reasons is because of how many storylines have the characters stuck in a situation of choosing between two extreme choices. And then they find a third option that is inventive, considers ethics and fairness in a new way, and breaks the characters out of previously held assumptions and norms. “I want that third alternative!” Captain Kirk cries out in an episode where millions of people’s lives are on the line in choosing between either of two choices.
There is a story from Kirk’s life repeated in multiple movies, when he took a test as a cadet when still in school. He was put in a simulator to play the role of captain, and asked to save another ship that was in dire need. That other ship was called the Kobayashi Maru. The test was designed for there to be no winning in the scenario, meaning the only outcome would be for the person taking the test to be unable to save both the the other ship, and their own. The goal is to see how the cadet handles stress. But Kirk finds a third way, secretly reprogramming the test simulation, and changing the conditions so he can save the ship and his own crew. He says, “I don’t believe in a no-win scenario.”
When you feel controlled by people or situations beyond your control, choosing between two bad choices, to instead look for a third option. One that might challenge you to better understand aspects of yourself, challenge your own goals and needs, have more empathy for others, and consider previously unthinkable options that may break us out of a restrictive binary.
To get what we each want takes effort. When we just hand it over to the tech provider to give us what we want, they will (of course) have their own goals as well, especially if they are free services.
One example of a third option is how some writers I have seen have mostly left social media, and now have a paid-only newsletter. Meaning that they rarely send out a free newsletter, all of their content is focused on those who are paid subscribers. This not only increases their sense of connection because they are only communicating with their biggest supporters, but it also helps them feel less exposed to trolls on the web because their content is entirely behind a paywall. So they are much more open to share. Plus, it’s a sustainable business model for them too!
is a wonderful example of this, with her newsletter .Actively Develop Friendships and Professional Colleagues
Social media has changed our awareness of how connecting with others can truly feel good, and even be necessary for positive mental health. To not feel alone. To support others. To see and feel seen. To be a part of something. To collaborate.
Sometimes it can feel like there are no communities left. Except there are, we simply have to forge them in ways that don’t become viral trends on a specific social network. This might mean that we have to be satisfied with a connection between 4 people or 40 people, instead of always seeking out thousands of connections as a sign of success. I’ve written many times before about how often writers say something to me like, “Ugh, I have an email newsletter, but it’s so pathetic. I only have 60 subscribers, so I don’t even bother to send anything.” I can guarantee you that every successful writer or creator started out with just a handful of people in their community, before it eventually grew larger. Honor each of those connections.
I often consider the value of flipping how we measure “success.” For instance, maybe instead of having 1,600 tenuous connections through the people I follow on social media, can I instead focus on having 40 meaningful ones? How can I take small but important actions to forge relationships and a sense of community that truly matters to me?
So often, we are scared to reach out to other people, worrying that we might be bothering them. I’m encouraging you to take that risk. It’s worth it.
We are Grieving for a Changing World. But We Also Have Agency to Change.
Recently I watched this film analysis by Kevin Harris of the movie No Country For Old Men. It resonated with me in terms of how so many writers and creators I know feel about social media a the moment.
Even if you have never seen this movie, I think his words will have relevance. All you need to know is that the movie follows a sheriff as he investigates a crime. Kevin says in his analysis:
“The world has changed. [The movie] is a cold reckoning with the truth that things don’t stay the same, no matter how much we wish they could. For Sheriff Ed Tom Bell, the world he once knew had rules. Good guys and bad guys were clearly drawn. And even criminals had motives that made sense. Their methods followed a certain logic. But this new world, it’s baffling. It’s terrifying. It all feels unlatched from any rhyme or reason. The feeling that Sheriff Bell experiences isn’t just fear, it is grief. Grief for a world that is slipping away… it’s the kind of grief that many of us feel when we look at the rapid pace of change around us. The speed of change leaves us scrambling to catch up, or yearning to go back. But is it the world that is changing, or is it us? That’s one of the movies quieter questions. Bell isn’t just grappling with a changing world, he’s grappling with his own aging, his own mortality. What’s really frightening isn’t the world getting worse, it’s the realization that it’s moving on without him.”
In many ways, we seem to be in a period of transition. For how writers and artists navigate social media, many are apprehensive, and trying to find a clear path. While there is much that may be upsetting or feel unfair, I find that focusing on being proactive with one’s clarity, habits, and identity are powerful ways to feel tied to what matters to you. To give yourself a new avenue to pursue when those you have previously known now feel closed. That clarity is not just meant to be a vague inspiration, it is instead an active process that requires work, and can truly lead you to fulfillment in how you create, share and connect.
Please let me know in the comments: how do you want to feel about the way you connect with other writers, readers, and those who inspire you?
Everything I say above is why I’m running the Creative Shift Mastermind right now. To come together with a small group of writers and creators to collaborate. To honor your unique voice, develop the habits that make you feel whole, and use all of this to connect you and your creative work with people who truly inspire you. We begin February 1st, read full details here.
Thank you for being here with me.
-Dan
Kids of the Week: working on his book project:
Locking eyes with a friend in our yard:
Yep, playing a lawnmower simulator game:
I'm not a hunter or a fisher, but it seems to me that if there is one metaphor for the transition I'm seeing and the advice you're recommending here is that overall, social media is moving from a net fishing industry to a hunting industry. In other words, the goal used to be gathering as many fish in the net as possible. That's just not how things work anymore. Instead, the best strategy is to proactively hunt down those single, intentional connections, one person at a time. But honestly, that's closer to real life, and I hope will be, in the long run, better for our minds and hearts.
Terrific insight as always, Dan. I recently heard @Jane Friedman say that social media followers are not platform, they are a RESULT of platform. Like your thoughts today, that really changed my thinking. Not WHERE can I be SEEN but WHO can I CONNECT with? Putting ourselves “out there” — that first vulnerable post, a video! Ugh — is hard enough, and intimate connections can feel even harder. A email telling an author you admire her work. A LinkedIn message asking a long-ago coworker how they’re doing? An in-person poetry reading. As E.M. Forster said, “Only connect.” ☘️❤️